Funny Leave letters

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. From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

· "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

· "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

LAWS WOMEN LIVE BY

1. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

2. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

3. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

4. If we put a man on the moon - we should be able to put them all up there.

5. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him chequebooks.

14. Remember: a sense of humour does not mean you tell him jokes; it means you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Also, just a thought for all the women out there...
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN? And when we have real trouble, it's HISterectomy

REJECTION LINES BY WOMEN

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that banjo player in "Deliverance.") 9. There's a silent difference in our ages. (I don't want to date my Dad.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys.)
6. I've got a boyfriend. (I prefer the company of my cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)
5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system,' much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
And the Number One rejection line given by women:
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I sleep with)

difference between men talking and women talking..

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The difference between men talking and women talking..

TWO WOMEN TALKING:
==================================

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I
mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to
take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.

Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
...
...
...
....
....
...
...
...
...

NOW TWO MEN TALKING
======================================

Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.

North indian Vs South Indian

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One north Indian guy complained about Chennai... in reply to that one Chennai girl wrote a witty answer. Kool...


First the Complaint

This is a live update from Chennai.
Language - Tamil, tamil and tamil. Even if they know hindi, they don’t speak up.
People - We never heard anyone laughing here (I wonder if they ever laugh or shout). So conservative, that no one talks even in the bus
Food - Idly, sambhar, rice, dosa, vada, pongal. We have to cook our food ourselves (unbelievable naa).
Weather - summer from october to feb and rest of the year it's deadly summer.
Lesiure - TV, dormitery, dirty sea beaches on weekends
Rent - 6.5 K / 1 BHK
Advance - 6 months
Aata - Rs. 26 /kg
Apple - Rs 100 /kg
Orange - Rs. 10/piece
Banana - Rs 3 /piece
Mausmi Juice - Rs 18 /glass
Jeans Dryclean - Rs.40
Phulka - Rs. 8 (idly also Rs.

Interesting facts and incidents :



1. Here you cannot buy a needle after 6 PM (strange).
2. We asked an auto driver, "hindi aati hai"?. He replied in hindi-"Hindi nahi aati".
3. The most common suffix here is 'a', e.g. straight – straighta, 2 cup tea - 2 cupa tea
4. Even dogs eat curd rice.
5. In north, names are like Gori Shankar, gauri prasad etc. Here the names are like Kaliraj, kalicharan etc.
6. When there is a 't' in any name, they add 'h' to it.
jayant - jayanth
bharat - bharath
7. Here is a culture of adding mystical alphabets after ones's name, like Mahesh R , Sandeep T etc.
7. Cable connection is of no use here as only tamil channels are broadcasted on cable TV, if anyone wanna watch hindi channels then you need to buy a set up box (Rs.4000).
8. Cognizant navallur office is actually not in chennai, it comes under a district called Chengalpet which is 51 kms from main city.
9. Once we saw a girl in the food court, she was looking and acting like a north indian. My friend became exited and planned to talk to her, but just then we noticed her breakfast and then "dil ke armaan aansuon mein beh gaye", she was having pongal. (disguise!!)
10. How dare anyone come to Chennai : Cognizant Chennai MCity comes under SEZ(special economic zone), swap and transfers from here are not possible.
11. No life after 9 PM.
12. No need to worry for Tsunami, because noone will be left to cry on your grave.

Bye Bye (waiting for banglore, pune, hyderabad update)

Life is not about cursing your posting location but it is about how soon you leave the company.

Reply for the mail…


See i think a few things are pretty true here…But most of it are just mere exaggeration. He has just written all his effusive frustration here..!! I live here in bangalore , and trust me its much more expensive than wht he thinks.. i have livedin Chennai and Bangalore , so i do know the difference between most of the places in South India .. Chennai is supposed to be the second cheapest metropolitan city after Calcutta and any other cities in India ..

Language - Tamil, tamil and tamil. Even if they know hindi, they dont speak up.

For your Kind information, nobody knows Hindi here. Only non-tamilians living in Chennai take Hindi (like me) while most of them take French. And excluding the non-localites, people converse in ENGLISH.

People - We never heard anyone laughing here (I wonder if they ever laugh or shout). So conservative, that noone talks even in the bus.

They are not conservative damn it…ALL INDIANS are like that..!! The same happens in Bangalore , Hyderabad or Pune..U dont strike a coversation with a stranger out of the blue..!!

Food - Idly, sambhar, rice, dosa, vada, pongal. We have to cook our food ourselves (unbelievable naa).

Excuse’ Moi ..!! When i went to the north (not specifying which place), me being a south-indian, had a tough time, hunting for some good rice to eat, because all i got was Aloo Paratha, Aloo Gobi, Gobi Manchurian, Aloo Muttor, Aloo Roast etc.. Wonder if they invented Aloo Juice.. Each of them have their own culture for taste and sense..!! So dont blame any place.

Weather - summer from october to feb and rest of the year it’s deadly summer.

Damn it, dont tell me you would complain that it dint rain or snow in Sahara when you where there..!! Oh please, for heaven sake, each area has a difference in climate.. India is not small as u get to see in the world map.

Lesiure - TV, dormitery, dirty sea beaches on weekends

Hahahaa….Atleast you get to see a beach buddy..!!

Rent - 6.5 K / 1 BHK

Do you know the size of the rooms?? They would be huge. I pay 7K for a 1BHK, that is just as big as my bathroom in Chennai..!!

Advance - 6 months

Buddy, i pay an adavnce of 11 months.. !! So who is to blame??

Aata - Rs. 26 /kg
Apple - Rs 100 /kg
Orange - Rs. 10/piece
Banana - Rs 3 /piece
Mausmi Juice -Rs 18 /glass
Jeans Dryclean - Rs.40
Phulka - Rs. 8 (idly also Rs.

Hahahaaa..!! Pillsbury Aata costs the same all over India dear..!! Sorry these things dont worth an argument..

1. Here you cannot buy a needle after 6 PM (strange)
God give me a break..!!


And here comes my personal favorite..


2. We asked an auto driver, “hindi aati hai”?. He replied in hindi “Hindi nahi aati”.
Buddy, thats the only thing they would have learnt in Hindi..!! For heaven sake, stop having false impressions that hindi is our National Language..!! It isnt..i have no time for this argument again..!! I never knew they speak Tamil in Delhi or Bombay ..!! So why Hindi in Chennai..!! Use a more worldy used language, ENGLISH.

3. The most common suffix here is ‘a’, e.g.
straight - straighta
2 cup tea - 2 cupa tea
Yes, like the way you’ll pronunce, thirty (therty as thartty) and fourteen (forteen as farteen)..!! Somebody stop me..!!

4. Even dogs eat curd rice.
Atleast they get to eat something, not starved to death.. and yeah, less stray dogs, that they would be famished and start feeding on children.

5. In north, names are like Gori Shankar, gauri prasad etc. Here the names are like Kaliraj, kalicharan etc.
What else do what us to name?? Elvis Presley or Brad Pitt?? Atleast Elizabeth Hurly or Angelina Jolie never asked you, why your name was Gauri Prasad..!!

6. When there is a ‘t’ in any name, they add ‘h’ to it.
jayant - jayanth
bharat - bharath
Well, in Hindi you wrtie ‘Ta’ as t, and in Tamil we write ‘Tha’ as Th..!! Dont find faults with such silly matters.

8. Here is a culture of adding mystical alphabets after ones’s name, like Mahesh R, Sandeep T etc.
Sorry, instead to keeping ‘Abhishek Anandkumar Khare’ or ‘Sunaina Swapan Teja’, we just name them as ‘Abhishek A.K’ and ‘Sunaina S.T’

9. Cable connection is of no use here as only tamil channels are broadcasted on cable TV, if anyone wanna watch hindi channels then you need to buy aset up box ( Rs.4000).
Hahaha…You guys where the ones who started making a big fuss about making Hindi Channels as paid Channels…we never wanted to watch Hindi here, so who cares.. Nobody uses STB (Set Top Box), Tamilians watch all south-indian languages for free..!!

10. Cognizant navallur office is actually not in chennai, it comes under a district called Chengalpet which is 51 kms from main city.
Escuse me..!! Hahaha..!! Infosys or any other office in Bangalore , in Electronics City , is actually in Hosur Road ….!! Dont expect Narayan Moorthy to build such a huge campus in the heart of the city..!! Ask questions that make sense..!!

11. Once we saw a girl in the food court, she was looking and acting like a north indian. My friend became exited and planned to talk to her, but just then we noticed her breakfast and then “dil ke armaan aansuon mein beh gaye”, she was having pongal. (disguise!!)
I saw a cute south-indian guy…But what??? Ohhh..!! Shucks, he is having Aloo Paratha :’(

12.How dare anyone come to chennai : Cognizant Chennai MCity comes under SEZ(special economic zone), swap and transfers from here are not possible.
Be in Chennai learn something here, so that you could live anywhere in the world and stop making a upheaval with small matters of life.. They sent u here, so that u learn

13. No life after 9 PM.
Do u know what life is than just going to Disco’s and Pubs?? Partying and Boozing??

14. No need to worry for Tsunami, because none will be left to cry on your grave.
Atleast we wont sit and fight among ourselves, shoot or die cause of bomb blast..Oh Boy, i want to look sweet when i die, dont wanna look like a roasted chicken

No offence meant in this mail.. But just wanted to let you noe that DON’T BELIEVE ALL ARE TRUE.

I live in Bangalore , and I do love this place, and I would love it anywhere I live..!! Learn to adjust, and not to make a big riot over static things in the world..!!

Thanks.. A Universal Citiizen………!

Oh No, He Didn't! The Things People Say to Pregnant Women !

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A woman at the pool said, "You must be having a girl — they say that girl babies steal their mother's beauty."


When we announced our pregnancy, my father-in-law said, "It's about time, we were beginning to wonder if you needed a biology lesson!" We'd been trying for a year, and I'd been on fertility drugs for six months.


Last week the FedEx guy said, "After you, your load is bigger than mine."


A week before I gave birth to my first baby, these two snooty women walked up to me and asked me to my face, "Why aren't you wearing maternity clothes? Do you not believe in them?" And then they walked off laughing at me. I was wearing maternity clothes! They had just stopped fitting at that point!


This old lady at Target looked at me and shook her head. She said, "You young girls need to see there are other things to do in the winter, and you won't end up in your situation." I told her I was in my mid 20s and had been married for 3 years and that my "situation" was actually a blessing!


My sister-in-law told me today that if I go into labor on Christmas Eve, she will "just have to miss it" because she has to go to the mall for the sales.


My father-in-law said, "Real women don't need pain medication during labor." I replied, "Real men know when to keep their big mouths shut."


When I was getting out of the shower the other day, my hubby said I look like a pregnant orangutan! Then he said he didn't mean it in a bad way! How can you mean that in a good way?


On the morning of my 20-week ultrasound (which I was understandably anxious about), I told a woman at work that I was going later that day. She proceeded to tell me detail by detail about her miscarriage 17 years ago.


When I was dealing with morning sickness and fatigue, my coworker had the nerve to say, "I'm not sure I want to be seen with you the way you look." And last Friday, she told me some days she wonders if I've bothered to brush my hair, because it looks like I'm having sex in the parking lot before work!

How to kill an Ant easily

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Mix Chilli Powder with sugar & Give it to ant.

After eating that, ant will go in search of water somewhere near a water tank.

When the ant reaches the tank push it into the tank.

Now the ant fully soaked in water.

It will go to dry itself near fire.

Put a bomb in fire.

It will be injured in blast.

Then injured ant will be admitted in ICU.

Then

Secretly go and remove the oxygen mask & kill it.

Game Over

different citizens of india...

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HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIZENS OF INDIA:

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's MUMBAI
----------------------------------------

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends
on
their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are definitely in PUNJAB !!!
----------------------------------------

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.
The first two get together and beat him up.
That's DELHI
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Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall.
That's AHMEDABAD
----------------------------------------

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this
nonsense..
Peace settles in...
That's CHENNAI
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Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth
and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in KOLKATA
----------------------------------------

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says,
"don't fight in front of my place, go sum where else and keep fighting".
That's KERALA !
----------------------------------------

And the best one is ....

Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home as
friends.
You are in GOA !!!!!!!

story of monks

 

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This will truly amaze you but make sure you read it to the end






A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?







The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you because you're not a monk.








The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.








The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car..






That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.











The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,

We can't tell you because you're not a monk.









The man says, all right, all right. I'm dying to know.

If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?




The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.





The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382sand pebbles on the earth.







The monks reply, congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk

We shall now show you the way to the sound.







The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.







The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key ?





The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.





Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone... The man requests the key to the stone door.







The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...








...silver, topaz, and amethyst.








Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door ..












The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight

















.. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

funny answers by kids in exam

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Take some time off ur work and enjoy these superb answers by kids...
These are answers, some students have written in their exams...

* A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

* The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

* When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

* Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

* Clouds are high flying fogs.

* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

* Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

* Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

* Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

* "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

* "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

* "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

* "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

* "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e,i, o and u."

* "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana ."

* "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa .."

* "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

* "To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."

funny isnt it true

A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her
office ready to show it off to her colleagues. As
she got out, a truck passed too close and completely
tore off the door on the driver's side.

The woman immediately grabbed her cell phone, dialled
911,and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before
the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the
woma n s tarted screaming hysterically. Her Lexus, which
she had just picked up the day before, was now
completely ruined and would never be the same, no
matter what the body shop did to it.

When the woman finally wound down from her ranting
and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust
and disbelief.

'I can't believe how materialistic you women are,' he
said. 'You are so focused on your possessions that you
don't notice anything else.'

'How can you say such a thing?' asked the woman.

The cop replied, 'Don't you know that your left arm is
missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn
off when the truck hit you.'

Interesting Observations

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1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF.

Amazing Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become

SQL QUERY FUNNY (Read and Laugh)

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WeddingQuery. ....... ........ (SQL Style)
HUSBANDS QUERY

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage (
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) )
AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire'
AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having Brothers= Null
AND Sisters =Null


SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalan ce
FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout
SETMyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATEMyLocker
SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTOMyCarShed VALUES('BMW')
END
GO

Then the wife writes the below query:
DROP HUSBAND;

Interesting Observations

---

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF.

Amazing Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become

ஒரு கோழி ரோட்டைக் கடந்து சென்றது ஏன்?.

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Dear Friends,

I got this in mail from a friend. I am sure you will enjoy this.

ஒரு கோழி ரோட்டைக் கடந்து சென்றது ஏன்?.

இந்த கேள்வியை சில பிரபலங்களிடம் கேட்டால்- ஒரு கற்பனை.

ஒபாமா: எல்லாம் ஒரு மாற்றத்திற்கு தான்

ஜியார்ஜ் புஷ்: கோழி ரோட்டை கிராஸ் பண்ணியதைப் பற்றி எங்களுக்கு அக்கறையில்லை. கோழி ரோட்டில் எங்க பக்கமா இல்லையா என்பது தான் கேள்வி. கோழி ஒண்ணு எங்க பக்கமா இருக்கணும் இல்லை எதிர் தரப்பா இருக்கணும். நடு வழியெல்லாம் ஒத்து வராது.

பில் கேட்ஸ்: நாங்க இப்போ தான் சிக்கன்2008 ஐ ரிலீஸ் பண்ணியிருக்கோம். இந்த கோழி ரோட்டை மட்டும் கிராஸ் பண்ணாது. முட்டை போடும் உங்க டாகுமெனட்ஸ்ஐ பையில் பண்ணும். இந்த சிக்கன் 2008 கிராஷ் ஆகவே ஆகாது.

ஐனஸ்டைன்: கோழி ரோட்டைக் கடந்ததா அல்லது ரோடு கோழியன் கால்களுக்கு கீழே கடந்து சென்றதா?

நியூட்டன்: எனது மூன்றாவது விதிப்படி ஒவ்வொரு ரோட்டின் ஒரு பக்கத்திறகு எதிர புறம் இருந்ததால் கோழி ரோட்டை கடந்து சென்றது

கருணாநிதி: நான் இலங்கைத் தமிழர்களுக்கு அதரவாக ஏற்பாடு செய்திருந்த மனித சங்கிலியில் கலந்து கொள்ள கோழியும் பஙகேற்க ரோட்டை கடந்து சென்றிருக்கலாம். என்னே இந்த கோழியின் தமிழ் பற்று.

ஜெயலலிதா: இந்த மாதிரி கோழிகளை ரோட்டைக் கடக்க செய்து அதனால் விளையும் ஆபத்துகளால் சட்ட ஒழுங்கு முறையைக் காக்க தவறிய கருணாநிதி பதவி விலக வேண்டும்.

சீமான்: நமது தொப்புள் கொடி உறவுகளுக்கு ஆதரவாக உலகத் தமிழர் அனைவரும் கடல் கடந்து இலங்கை செல்ல வேண்டும் என்பதை சுட்டக் காட்டும் முகமாக கோழி ரோட்டைக் கடந்து சென்றது என்பேன்.

வடிவேலு: கடந்துட்டான்யா கடந்துட்டான்யா கறி சமைச்சு சாப்பிடாலும்னு கோழியை எடுக்கப் போனா இந்த நாதாரி கோழி ரோட்டைக் கடந்து போயிடுச்சே இப்போ நான் என்ன பண்ணுவேன்?

விவேக்: இந்த தமிழ் நாட்டு மக்களைத் திருத்தவே முடியாதா? கோழியை ரோட்டை கிராஸ் பண்ண விட்டா மழை வரும்னு நம்புறாங்களே? எத்தனை பெரியார் வந்தாலும் திருந்தமாட்டாங்கீளாடா?

கமல ஹாஸன்: ஹா ஹா ஹா நான் தசாவதாரம் படத்தில 10 வேஷத'தில நடிச்சாலும் நடிச்சேன் ரோட்டைக் கடந்து போறது கோழி இல்லை கமல ஹாஸன் தான் கோழி வேஷத்தில போறாருங்கறாங்க.

ரஜனி காந்த்: கண்ணா கோழி ரோட்டைக் கடந்தாலும் சரி அல்லது ரோடு கோழியைக் கடந்தாலும் சரி நான் எப்போ அரசியலுக்கு வருவேன்னு யாராலும் சொல்ல முடியாது.

__________________
Give thousand chances to your enemy to become friend

Give no chance to your friend to become enemy

Super Husband

---

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man called Jesus Christ died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.

Re: heart touching nice forwards

---

a cute kiddy:
one small kid wrote a letter to jesus."OH my dear jesus please give me a cycle".
one week passed. He didn't get the cycle.
Then he took the statue of mary matha from church and kept it in his home. and again he wrote a letter to jesus"Mr.jesus your mom is in my custody now.if you want her give me a cycle within 24 hours"



Night
is
a
Nice gift
so
open the gift
by
closing
ur
Eyes
u will see
the another world
waiting for you!

The Art of Appraisal

---

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding.So, your rating is "average".
Kumar: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.
Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.
Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.
Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.
Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*
Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.
Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.
Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.
Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.
Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.
Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?
Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!
Kumar: *faints*

Evil women

---

"Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

Men and Women

---

Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriend’s and none of them confirm that.

Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!

Conclusion of the story: Men are better friends!